The Idealization of the Unknown

There is a distinct disparity between society’s ideas on what love really is and what it should be. It's a battle between compatibility and practicality, often conceived as reality, versus a sense of Romanticism and idealization. However, even these ideas, of both reality and fantasy encounter variation over time and between societies.

The mode of love in a society can most often be examined by the roles of the sexes. In a general segmentation of American history, the 19th century saw women devoid of the right to vote, own individual land, and earn equal wages in the workforce. Women were expected to wear modest clothing, act in subservience to men, and to dream merely of a family of typicality. In other words, the supposed notion of love was the institution of marriage. Much to the same effect, men were held up to a certain standardization of value in society; the ability to provide for the family, possession of a sense of machismo, and many other pressures bore on the man’s mind until life in itself was a set of rules and obligations, rather than passions and desires.

Under these presuppositions, it is clear how love can become a role to play in life. The woman stays at home, cooks, cleans, and waits for her husband to return from work. The man showcases his wife at dinner parties and smokes a cigar at the birth of his son. In essence, they are the perfect cookie-cutter couple. However, the introduction of the idea of ambition, passion, or an intense love, may be cause for the disgruntled spouse. For example, in The Bell Jar, Esther is a writer skeptical of the notion of love. She considers the thought of marriage with Buddy, the typical outline of what a husband should be. However, she fights herself over the point because she rejects the idea of becoming a molded person after marriage. (He proposes that she will not wish to write as a wife.) In this case, personal ambition is the reason for unacceptance although, oftentimes, the lack of excitement and passion drives dreams to another place.

Film seems to be one of the largest promotions of this idealistic love. From the time we are little, we become conditioned in our thoughts on love. Many children are raised watching movies such as Cinderella in which the dejected woman eventually gets her prince. In Beauty and the Beast, the Beast transforms back into the perfect man. These ideas become ingrained in us as humans and we continuously search for our fairy tale love.

Literature, music, and other art forms also tend to promote idealization in society. They may point out the faults of a situation or they may propose a whole new ideal level of emotion. In either case, the mind begins to accept the idea that there will always be something better out there. Much for this reason, de Rougemont curses passion because it derails practicality and the necessity to regenerate society. However, even in what would be considered a happy relationship, the individual mind will always, at least subconsciously, wonder about that which is different, perhaps better.